We knew the differences between the sexes but nothing about sex change. Hardware was something you got at a Hardware Store and Software wasn't even a word.
If you have problems seeing the small print etc on your computer monitor, this free tool will help: Virtual Magnifying Glass 2.00 from © 1999 - 2002 Harri Pyy, Finland. You get kicked out when you're too young, You get a gold watch, you go to work.
The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals. (Canadians may substitute 2Kg potato sacks) After a few weeks, move up to 10-LB. potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a 100 lb. - Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. - Statistics show at age of seventy, there are five women to every man.
A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police. It is harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick 3. Of course I'm against sin; I'm against anything that I'm too old to enjoy. Having a "meaningful relationship" meant getting along with your cousins.
Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier. If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt your health. At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative. Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started.
You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. You decide to procrastinate but never get around to it. You're 17 around the neck, 44 around the waist, and 250 around the golf course. You remember today that yesterday was your wedding anniversary. Middle age is when work is a lot less fun, and fun a lot more work. Nothing to plan for, nothing to expect, Just the mailman bringing your Old Age Pension cheque. Also, we were before radar, credit cards, split atoms, laser beams, tape recorders, VCR's, ballpoint pens, electric blankets, drip-dry clothes, pantyhose, and before man walked on the moon. And dumb enough to believe that a woman needed a husband in order to have a baby. Until I was 25, I called every man older than I, 'Sir'-and after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, 'Sir.' In our times, closets were for clothes, not for "coming out of." Bunnies were baby rabbits and rabbits were not tiny foreign cars.
My memory shrinks My hearing stinks No sense of smell I look like hell My mood is bad - can you tell? We were before day-care centres, group therapy and nursing homes.
My body's drooping Have trouble pooping The Golden Years have come at last The Golden Years can kiss my ass! We had not heard of FM radio, electric typewriters, tape decks, CDs nor VCR nor DVDs, artificial hearts, word processors, yogurt and men wearing earrings (except in National Geographic).
Hopefully this page will amuse the Senior Citizens who visit. 35 years old - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
If you are too young, please tell all the "elders" you know about it; it may brighten their day. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started. You're getting old when you wake up with that morning after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before. You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas. The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs. 12 years old - My mother doesn't really know everything. 45 years old - Let's go down the hallway and ask Mom what she thinks.