Here's the thing: Your romantic success has nothing to do with your mental jewelry and everything to do with how you make the other person feel.
And making someone feel a certain way is a somewhat nonlinear process that requires a different kind of mastery than that of calculus or Shakespeare.
It's because they've been going at it the wrong way. For most of their lives, smart people inhabit a seemingly-meritocratic universe: If they work hard, they get good results (or, in the case of really smart folks, even if they don't work hard, they still get good results).
Good results mean kudos, strokes, positive reinforcement, respect from peers, love from parents.
Just as important as knowing what to do in flirting and dating situations is knowing what not to do. Keep it nice and platonic; rest assured that if you play it right, you’ll get to the sexual touching later. No matter how much you swagger, she’ll be able to sense that you are unsure of yourself and lack confidence. So, remember, no matter how many tricks and techniques you learn, if you aren’t present in the moment, observing and connecting with her, you aren’t going to have any luck.
You can follow every piece of good advice you get about how to act around women, but if you just add those to your repertoire and don’t weed out things that are dragging you down, you’re not going to see much success. Don’t talk in depth about past relationships Mentioning your ex is okay if it’s applicable to the conversation but avoid getting into the past relationship conversation at all. If you can’t even summon up the confidence and self worth to approach an attractive woman to ask her on a date, you need to be working on your self image, learning to appreciate and value who you are, and taking a break from the dating scene. Don’t ignore her body language and reactions Barreling forward with your carefully planned flirtation strategy might make you feel truly prepared for once, but you’ll fail for one simple reason: Attraction is about both you AND her. Men who have a long history of failed flirtations sometimes grab onto what they believe will be miracle fixes.
By virtue of being born of the union of male and female, yang and yin, you are a sexual being. Now do what you need to do to perpetuate the race already. Perhaps you should consider thinking a little less then.
I've been co-hosting young alumni events for name-brand schools for long enough to know that these kids come out a little lopsided (which sounds so much better than "socially awkward," don't you think? All they need is a little tune up, or a little dating textbook like The Tao of Dating for Women or The Tao of Dating for Men, to get them going -- plus a little practice.Unless you actually convey femininity as a woman or masculinity as a man, you're not going to attract a suitable companion of the opposite sex. You're exceptionally talented at getting in the way of your own romantic success.Part of the issue is this: When all of your personal energy is concentrated in the head, it never gets a chance to trickle down to the heart, or, god forbid, the groin. Here's an incontrovertible fact: Every one of your ancestors survived to reproductive age and got it on at least once with a member of the opposite sex. And even further back to monkeys, to lizards, to the first amphibian that crawled out of the slime, the fish that preceded that amphibian, the worm before the fish and the amoeba that preceded the worm. E., the culmination of that miraculously unbroken line of succession, you, .In fact, the smarter you are, the more clueless you will be, and the more problems you're going to have in your dating life. Smart people spent more time on achievements than on relationships when growing up. And smart families are usually achievement-oriented. The upshot of all that achievement is that you get into a top college -- congratulations!Once upon a day I used to be pretty smart, and believe me, I had a lock on clueless. -- and then continue doing even more of what you were doing before.